Tuesday, January 26, 2010

High Infidelity…

Recently I’ve been pondering the paradoxical nature of monogamy. Is it really possible to be with one person for the rest of your life? Who cares? That’s not what I’m talking about… (the answer is a resounding no, btw).

I’m talking about serial monogamy: the process of dating one person right after another right after another right after another... just writing about it is almost enough to drive me to creative suicide (like doing a pike-jump into oncoming traffic) I can't imagine actually doing it.

And yet I did. For ten years. Was it fun? Sure. Was it worth it? Ya, why not. Was I monogamous the whole time? Um, I believe I’ll answer that question with another question, “would you like to have a bubble bath with your handsy perverted uncle?”

But I digress…

Thanks to ditzy Psyc Majors who ramble our ear off thinking they’re being prophetic and telling us something we don’t know after one too many Seven & Sevens, we ALL know that monogamy is a construct. Great. Thanks. But does anyone stop to think why? Cue equally intellectually inferior Sociology Majors.

So here’s my question (and hopefully it’s a new one; coming from somewhere other than a desire to pursue a major that doesn’t strategically position said girl as more marry-able and ‘cute’): if we all agree monogamy is bullshit… why do we hold this asinine construct up in such high regard? And, why do we stigmatize and alienate those who "fail" at it?

Remember the first time you shoplifted/cheated on a test/snuck out of your parents’ and/or boyfriend’s house to be with a boy/touched your BFF’s boyfriend’s naughty bits?

Um, thrilling!

Infidelity is sneaking a bite of the last cookie (and by cookie I mean married man’s you get it). It’s all us morally devoid weekend sociopaths have left. So to all you naysayers and whistle blowers… shush it! (Or don’t, some of us get off on that too).

Did you ever stop to think that there could be tremendous benefits to having a little fling? Keeps things fresh, learn new tricks, even appreciate your current partner more. True story. (Just be safe, you adorable little skank.)

I was never more vindicated on the day my boyfriend told me my skin was “positively glowing” and "what was my secret?” From that point on our love life improved immensely and I made sure to thank my on-the-side-lover for the bounce in my step… See? Everybody wins.

I leave you with two paradoxical but universal truths:

1) It’s hip to be square

2) It’s good to be bad

And that’s the new black… just don’t tell anyone, my boyfriend would kill me…. LB.

*Disclaimer: don’t be a dumbass and cheat on someone who matters or with someone who has kids. Next week’s lesson is on cost-benefit analysis…

1 comment:

  1. Interesting to ponder but not to practice.

    Getting thrills from a fling and cheating on your partner means you are wasting your time with said partner and you need to figure out why these thrills are so thrilling.

    Serial monogamy is the state which one feels they must jump from one relationship to another to avoid feelings of insecurity, abandonment and hide from deep seated fears they aren't aware of. It feels safe, thrilling and good to find someone else who they can escape with. The relationships are real but overly complex and often with the wrong person.

    The harder path would be to look deep inside oneself and pursue interests other than getting approval through sex, attention, flirting etc.

    The harder path is finding out who you are, what you want and sticking to a relationship where you explore your fears and share your insecurities with someone who loves you and you can trust wholeheartedly.